Knowing When to Back Out

Recently, my family has taken up Kayaking. We load the boats on the roof rack and head to the nearest waterway (flat or gentle current, thanks!).

Our brand of kayaking is relaxing, quietly paddling up to deer taking a drink on the riverbank. You displace mere inches of water so you can navigate very shallow waterways motorboats wouldn’t dare tread.

When I learned to paddle, I was concerned about running upon obscured underwater debris. At first, the thought of getting stuck on some submerged mystery junk freaked me out. My husband (and instructor), in his very no nonsense way, said, “You are going to run up on something and you’ll feel it. Don’t panic, just use your paddle and back out.”

On one of our first trips, we paddled into a shallow, murky lagoon. Half way in, our paddles touched bottom and we had to dig in and back out. I felt so much better once I was free floating and mobile again.

I’ve had to back out a few times since but I’m more confident about exploring shallow areas. I’ve run aground on a sandbar trying to get close to some geese and run up under some low hanging blackberry bushes trying to eat some ripe berries but in all those circumstances, I just used my trusty paddle and backed out.

The lesson crosses over into freelance design as well. Knowing when to “back out” can be a lifesaver.

I had a client last year who was eager for me to enter into a long-term contract that would require me to travel and put very long hours in away from my home and family. I was unsure if I had the physical and mental resources to take on this added responsibility. I worried that this very demanding client would make my work for other long-standing clients suffer or even disappear and farming the work out to another designer was out of the question. There were so many other warning signals I can’t begin to enumerate.

After much contemplation about the pros and cons of this job — what the hidden cost of it might be — I made the decision to turn it down. I sensed it was time to dig in and back out.

I wrote a professional letter to them explaining that I would not be able to take the job. To my surprise, the client was furious that I turned them down and I even got some hate email from them. They thought I’d be attracted to the money which in the long run would have been a loss.

The experience was upsetting but reassured me that I had made the right decision.

A month later, I was hospitalized with a serious illness. My entire world stopped short for months while I healed. All my freelance, full-time and other work screeched to a halt. I was touched to hear from long-time clients who cared enough about me to put their projects on hold in anticipation of me getting back in the saddle.

It’s been more than 9 months since that ordeal. I don’t regret a thing. I made a conscious decision about not taking on a job that would have probably destroyed me. I let go what turned out to be a red-flag client. I have my health back, my life is much less stressful and my work has improved and I’m moving in a direction that I really want to go in. I’m in free water again and able to navigate clear on through.

Filed under design, musings |